Tag Archives: humor

In Which I Had Malicious Intent

Friday night, with malicious intent, I drove down the highway.

Friday night,  with malicious intent, I made a couple of pit stops along the way.

Friday night, with malicious intent, I cracked open a new book.

Tis a harrowing tale that brings us here. A tale of such frightening aspects like counting, and buying, and staying in on a Friday eve! Proceed with caution, if you dare to proceed at all.

After waking on Friday morn, I felt the urge to… correction… I felt strongly compelled (!) to count – yes COUNT – the number of books on my bookshelves. The tally: 303. But oh frightening part, the truly truly truly knee-shaking hair-raising turning-you-into-a-quivering-mass scary part is that I realized I needed more. More!

With malicious intent I counted and knew the number 303 was vastly too small. With malicious intent, I vowed to increase this number.

And so, with no compunction for those around me or for myself, on my way home that evening, I stopped at Half-Priced Books. I had the singular goal, the goal of filling in a gap in my collection. I needed Terry Pratchett‘s Small Gods. (You may have noticed the plethora of Pratchett quotes lately – this has been the result of this growing uncontrollable urge to re-read this very book.)

Alas, Half-Priced Books failed me on this occasion. They had precious few of Pratchett’s books, and Small Gods was not one of them. So I had to settle with the following:

Having been disappointed in my quest, I pressed on. Next on my barrage of book buying: Barnes (and his friend Noble). Surely a full priced book store would help me quench my lust for the printed word. “Surely!” I exclaimed as I fishtailed into my designated parking spot at the front of the lot (Summer’s Shadow had grasped the importance of my mission – she’s a good girl and how I love to hear her growl!).

Barnes quickly pointed me to the malicious intent section (which encompasses the entire store) and I managed to find not one, not two, but three (thank you Count, ah ah ah) books that I absolutely had to have:

And so when I arrived home, after feeding myself, and feeding Riley, (Summer’s Shadow wasn’t hungry), I proceeded to do something dangerous.

With malicious intent, I cracked opened a new book to feed my mind.

Quote of the Day – March 3, 2012 – Oh Ye Gods

The trouble with being a god is that you’ve got no one to pray to.

Small Gods by Terry Pratchett

 

Quote of the Day – March 1, 2012 – Titanic (or March of the Penguins – reader’s choice)

“Suppose… you watched an iceberg drift through the chilly waters, and you got to know its cargo of happy polar bears and seals as they looked forward to a brave new life in the other hemisphere where they say the ice floes are lined with crunchy penguins, and then wham – tragedy loomed in the shape of ten thousand tons of unaccountably floating iron and an exciting soundtrack…”

Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time


Conversations With Riley # 14 – Resistance if Futile

Riley: <zooms past couch, bone in mouth, disappears>

~Time passes~

Riley: <zooms past couch, bone in mouth, disappears>
Me: I’ve been the victim of a puppy drive-by. You’re not tempting me with the bone…
Riley: <zooms past couch, bone in mouth, disappears>
Me: Give me that bone!

In Which Leap Day is Every Day (or Riley’s Literal Leap Day Adventure)

Me: Today was made for you Riley!
Riley: <Leap> <Leap> I don’t understand?
Me: Today is Leap Day – it only happens every four years
Riley: Wrong! EVERY day is leap day <Leap>

Today is Leap Day. Every four years, we get an extra day on the calendar. How boring and unexciting is that? So many people today are going to experience the humdrum of life (while forgetting the great things that come along with the things we do):

Quote of the Day – February 28, 2012 – 4am Wanderings

“I am strongly of the opinion that, after the age of twenty-one, a man ought not to be out of bed and awake at four in the morning. The hour breeds thought. At twenty-one, life being all future, it may be examined with impunity. But, at thirty, having become an uncomfortable mixture of future and past, it is a thing to be looked at only when the sun is high and the world full of warmth and optimism.”

― P.G. Wodehouse

 

Quote of the Day – February 25, 2012 – Fluffy Unicorns

“I thought unicorns were more … fluffy.”
“See clear! Don’t let the glamour get you! See what’s in front of your eyes! It’s a damn great horse with a horn on the end!” said Granny.
Terry Pratchett

 

See also: Karen’s Unicorn

Quote of the Day – February 23, 2012 – Vampire Hunter

“On March 4th, 1861, Abraham Lincoln – exceptional boy of Sinking Springs Farm, apple of his departed mother’s eye, survivor of the trials of Job, and one of the nation’s most accomplished vampire hunters – was sworn in as the sixteenth president of the United States.”

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith

Quote of the Day – February 22, 2012

“I meant,” said Ipslore bitterly, “what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?”
Death thought about it.
“Cats,” he said eventually. “Cats are nice.”
Terry Pratchett

Note from the Dingo: Please remember that Death is not of this plane of existence, and cats are not all they are cracked up to be.

Conversations with Riley #13: Word Games

Riley: <jumping, running in circles, jumping>
Me: Ice?
Riley: <freezes>
Me: Smartass – do you WANT a piece of ice?
Riley: <snicker, runs to kitchen>