“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.’ I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, ‘Trick or treat.’ ‘No thank you.'”
Me: Do you want a piece of ice?
Riley: Do I! <slam>
Me: There’s a door there
Riley: Ow.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Riley: I like chocolate.
Me: It’s a plastic donut.
Riley: It’s a CHOCOLATE plastic donut.
Me: Such a typical girl…
Friday night, with malicious intent, I drove down the highway.
Friday night, with malicious intent, I made a couple of pit stops along the way.
Friday night, with malicious intent, I cracked open a new book.
Tis a harrowing tale that brings us here. A tale of such frightening aspects like counting, and buying, and staying in on a Friday eve! Proceed with caution, if you dare to proceed at all.
After waking on Friday morn, I felt the urge to… correction… I felt strongly compelled (!) to count – yes COUNT – the number of books on my bookshelves. The tally: 303. But oh frightening part, the truly truly truly knee-shaking hair-raising turning-you-into-a-quivering-mass scary part is that I realized I needed more. More!
With malicious intent I counted and knew the number 303 was vastly too small. With malicious intent, I vowed to increase this number.
And so, with no compunction for those around me or for myself, on my way home that evening, I stopped at Half-Priced Books. I had the singular goal, the goal of filling in a gap in my collection. I needed Terry Pratchett‘s Small Gods. (You may have noticed the plethora of Pratchett quotes lately – this has been the result of this growing uncontrollable urge to re-read this very book.)
Alas, Half-Priced Books failed me on this occasion. They had precious few of Pratchett’s books, and Small Gods was not one of them. So I had to settle with the following:
Having been disappointed in my quest, I pressed on. Next on my barrage of book buying: Barnes (and his friend Noble). Surely a full priced book store would help me quench my lust for the printed word. “Surely!” I exclaimed as I fishtailed into my designated parking spot at the front of the lot (Summer’s Shadow had grasped the importance of my mission – she’s a good girl and how I love to hear her growl!).
Barnes quickly pointed me to the malicious intent section (which encompasses the entire store) and I managed to find not one, not two, but three (thank you Count, ah ah ah) books that I absolutely had to have:
And so when I arrived home, after feeding myself, and feeding Riley, (Summer’s Shadow wasn’t hungry), I proceeded to do something dangerous.
With malicious intent, I cracked opened a new book to feed my mind.
The trouble with being a god is that you’ve got no one to pray to.
– Small Gods by Terry Pratchett
“Suppose… you watched an iceberg drift through the chilly waters, and you got to know its cargo of happy polar bears and seals as they looked forward to a brave new life in the other hemisphere where they say the ice floes are lined with crunchy penguins, and then wham – tragedy loomed in the shape of ten thousand tons of unaccountably floating iron and an exciting soundtrack…”
– Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
Me: Today was made for you Riley!
Riley: <Leap> <Leap> I don’t understand?
Me: Today is Leap Day – it only happens every four years
Riley: Wrong! EVERY day is leap day <Leap>
Today is Leap Day. Every four years, we get an extra day on the calendar. How boring and unexciting is that? So many people today are going to experience the humdrum of life (while forgetting the great things that come along with the things we do):
“I thought unicorns were more … fluffy.”
“See clear! Don’t let the glamour get you! See what’s in front of your eyes! It’s a damn great horse with a horn on the end!” said Granny.
–Terry Pratchett
See also: Karen’s Unicorn
the dingo was here 