Tag Archives: funny

In Which Matthew Broderick Will Win the Super Bowl

I’m going to go out on a limb here. The Giants are not going to win the Super Bowl. The Patriots won’t either.Neither, on their greatest day, can out-perform Matthew Broderick.

The halftime show, while it may be as entertaining as Janet Jackson, or as entertaining as the Black Eyed Peas, won’t be the victor. And as much as I am so very looking forward to the new Avengers movie, the trailer for that masterpiece will fall a bit short as well.

You see, there can only be one winner, and this year that winner will be…

Broderick… Broderick… Broderick.

My sister’s boyfriend’s daughter’s bromide’s (don’t ask – I don’t understand this word either) boyfriend’s dog doesn’t have to tell me that a car commercial which parodies the great Ferris Bueller’s Day Off will be the best offering at the game today.

If you doubt my prognostication skills, shame one you.  For your viewing pleasure, I bring you what will surely be the best commercial debuting during the Super Bowl this year: Matthew’s Day Off.

You’re welcome.

(You’re still here? Why are you still here? Go on – read another article.)

Conversations with Riley #8: Super Bowl Eve

Riley: A-zig and a-zag! A-zig and a-zag!
Me: Whatcha doing?
Riley: Running routes.
Me: Why?
Riley: Getting ready for the Big Game! Tom Brady NEEDS me!

Conversations with Riley # 7: Puppies Will Eat Anything

<lick lick lick>
Riley: Your clothes taste good.
Me: <sigh>

Conversations with Riley #6: A Little Wet Behind the Ears

Riley: Good morning! Let’s go for a walk!
Me: It’s raining!
Riley: Walk!
Me: Ok…
<we go outside>
Riley: What… is this?
Me: Rain.
Riley: <whispers> Will you go first? I’m scared…

In Which the Dingo Speaks

Hello and welcome.

Well, the journal has been up now for a couple of weeks and I’ve yet to properly introduce myself. My name is Jeremy, and I’m an aspiring writer and amateur photographer. I am also <insert ominous music here> The Dingo. But shhhhh, don’t tell anyone. I’d hate for my secret identity to be leaked to the press. 

From an educational standpoint, I hold two degrees – a B.A. in psychology and another in theatre arts. This means that I am able to understand crazy so that I can be crazy. My friends can testify to the fact that I probably didn’t need a university education for this to apply to me.

Crazy.

I also have a puppy, who (at the time this article was being written) is pushing 10 months old. Her name is Riley. This is her:

She liked the bows so well that by the time we got home from the groomers she was eating them. She has pretty good taste – those are fancy and plastic and yellow, after all. Yum.

The reason that I decided to create this journal is that I wanted to have a creative outlet that I can share with other people. My secret motive is that I have become lax and I spend way too much time on the computer (writing an online journal should help with getting away from the computer, don’t you think?). As I very rarely share any of my work, I am not nearly as diligent as I should be about creating it. That, dear reader, is where you come into the picture.

Now that my vaction in Mexico is over (thank God – that beach was just so relaxing; I’m glad to be back to fast-paced Dallas life), my goal is to publish on this journal at least 3 times a week, at least to start. Here is what you can look forward to:

MONDAYS: Random articles about random things, and if I am particularly lazy perhaps just a movie review. (Did I mention I like movies? I didn’t think so. I mean, why would would a trained actor who doesn’t actually act enjoy watching actors who do act?).

WEDNESDAYS: A weekly log of the deep and philosophical conversations I have with Riley. She has a lot to say about our American culture and society. I can’t keep up with  her intellectually. “Conversations with Riley” is my way to ask for your help in understanding her viewpoints. Please, leave comments explaining it to me.

FRIDAYS: “Eye of the Beholder” is my attempt at sharing my amateur photography with the world. I admit I still have a lot to learn about photography, but I hope you enjoy looking at them as much as I enjoy taking them. 

I also hope to post additional randomness on random days as the random mood strikes me.

Questions? 

Conversations with Riley #4: Guard Puppy

<door slam>

Riley: I heard something.

<creaking sound>

Riley: YOU…. SHALL NOT…. PASS!!!!

Me: Good girl

Conversations with Riley #3: Ooooo Treats!

Riley: Ooooo treats with legs! They’re tasty! … They’re on my face they’re on my face get them off get them off!
Me: We don’t eat the ants, Riley.
Riley: Ooooo treats with legs!
Me: <facepalm>