Every year, I look forward to attending a bout or two of the Dallas Derby Devils roller derby league. This year, for the first time, I have purchased a season ticket. Tonight was the first bout night of the season, and I can tell you already that the season ticket was the right decision!

First, I want to thank all of the women who make Dallas Derby Devils what it is. You all are amazing skaters and gifted athletes – I wish I had just a smidgen of your skill!

Second, I want to take a moment to call out the captains and co-captains of each team. I know one of you, and I know she is a shining example of each of you; your teams love you all and your leadership of your teams is second to none!

Third (I better be careful, I’ll have to take my shoes off if I start counting too high and no one wants that…), I like to always say a few words about the skaters who drew my attention most.

• To Prideful Phoenix of the High Sea Hotties: when you hit the opposing jammers, they realize they aren’t in Kansas anymore! My lord, remind me never to get on your bad side!
• To Red White and Broozen of the High Sea Hotties: you have have to be the hardest hitting jammer out there! The defense’s wall looks like paper when you hit it!
• To Bourbon Barbie of the Death Row Rumblers: every year you rock, and damn you’re fast in the open! Every time you break out of the pack it’s fun to watch you fly!
• To Kay Carnage of the Death Row Rumblers: you are a dancer in skates that no one can compare to! The spins! The ability to find a hole in the defense! Wow!
• To Jaims Maims of the Slaughterers: Great defense! You were a brick wall on wheels tonight! Great job rotating to the right spot each time the jammer tried to get through!
• To Baby Hurl of the Slaughterers: Such focus and determination! Love how you give it your all on every play, every jam!

And I can’t forget those on my team!

• To MsMURDR of the Wrecking Crew: magnificent combination of speed, power, and awareness! You were always in the right place at the right time, on offense or defense!
• To Anita Riot of the Wrecking Crew: your “shake and bake” is simply breathtaking! You dance around the defense and leave them asking how they can ever hope to stop you!

I look forward to watching you all throughout the summer!